Black holes and other absurdities….

People talk about black holes like they really know what they are, but rarely, do they understand them. It’s a theory that astronomers and scientists may debate and speak on like its fact, but the thing is, no one has really PROVED there are black holes in space. However, I have experienced one personally!

I have seen people with black hearts, black souls, and even a few running in the black. I have even experienced a few black inky nights where I could not see my own hand in front of my face, but a black hole? I have been shopping on Black Friday, and I have been working on Black Friday(two VASTLY different angles on the same event!). Still, did not experience a black hole till…..

I was going through a rough patch in life, jobs were hard to come by, my home had been damaged in a hail storm, the insurance company slow to respond, my Dad died, my dog died, and my health took a spin on the roulette wheel and I was on the losing end!

During that sad time in life, I also began to experience some issues that required more testing and as part of that process, I was sent for a Vag Scan. If you have ever had one, you know just how invasive they are. And I might add, no dinner, flowers or kiss is involved. It’s not very romantic, but it is a bit of a clinical experience most of us would prefer to skip and not really repeat, unless, you were like me, in need of more info and possibly an answer as to why a grown woman in her 50’s would suddenly come out of menopause after 7 years contentedly enjoying it!

The scan showed a black hole in the lining of my uterus, such as it was. Everything looked liked a striated steak, except a small black hole. THE ENEMY! It looked odd, there all by itself, and for all the symptoms I was experiencing, it seemed rather small to be causing all that trouble. Surely there was more to this, then THAT! But in looking carefully at the black hole, I began to appreciate the monster growing inside me was actually a pretty big hole and probably going to be a big deal! That black hole was going to upset my apple cart as surely as Carter had pills!

It seemed to make everybody start talking in hushed tones, quit smiling and laughing and put everyone on edge and look at me funny! I sure didn’t like that very much at all! All I knew was this little black hole was making a lot of people very nervous and that made me nervous! It seemed absurd that something the size of my thumb print could be THAT big of a deal, you know, UNLESS, it was something more!

As it turned out, it was something much, much more! It was quickly biopsied, twice just to be sure they had a good piece of it, and within hours, the results sitting on the doctors desk, and my Mother and I standing there with our eyes akin to deer with their eyes caught in the headlights! It wasn’t good at all! Surgery was quickly rolled out as the only option, with more to be discussed once the black hole was excised and dissected and the pathologist brought in to examine it. And oh, we are taking EVERYTHING that isn’t nailed down in there….say good bye uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries and just to be extra sure, we are also taking your cervix. Well, OK, I wasn’t really using them anymore anyways! TAKE IT ALL if you want to!

And so they did. Within 72 hours, I was on a surgical table, being wheeled into surgery, WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM! Afterwards, I was informed all went well, they got it all, it hadn’t perforated the uterus, and yes, it was confirmed as cancer, even though the biopsies had proclaimed pre-cancerous, it was such an aggressive form, that it had already turned into cancer on what had not been touched during the two biopsies. WOW! Lucky me!

In a funny way, I felt like not only had part of me been gutted like a fish, but that I had also dodged a bullet. Life would feel different and I would feel as if something was missing for about 6 months after, before regaining myself again!

There was the black abyss of emotions that followed having a total hysterectomy, because even though I had pretty much sailed through menopause, this was a complete dry up of hormones, they stole everything that could produce one there!

So now I got to experience what they call a hard menopause! Yea ME! Not a fun ride, but considering the alternatives, I guess I counted myself fortunate, I did not have to have follow up treatments, no chemo, I was golden! So I just pushed through and made my way to the other side and counted my blessings. Oh and by the way, your chances of getting breast cancer now go up dramatically and you will need to follow up on that for….well…..the rest of your life! Pay the cashier on your way out!

My black hole resulted in things coming out of it, and in space, I understand the theory is, that it sucks everything into it! But then, I suppose its ones perspective on black holes and their understanding of what one is. In my case, it took things away from me, most, I easily have lived without, not really making that much of a difference in my life, but in some measure, it made a huge difference in my moods, my feelings and most of all, on how I now view the world and life within it! The good thing is, I am still here, I am still standing and I am still without signs of cancer! Yea ME!

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